i actually might write a legit post on here for once. because i've always been too freakin closed up to actually say what i'm feeling or thinking. but i really, truly don't care what everyone thinks about me anymore. i've become a much stronger, independent, more confident person in the last year. i don't have to depend on the people i used to have to to be happy. i know what i want, and it's not what other people want for me, it's what i really truly want. and i'm ready to start living my life. i'm tired of sitting around working at kohl's, coming home all the time, living here for the summer, not doing anything significant. i just want to get out of school, get into my career (whatever that ends up being exactly), and find my place in the world. i'm bored, i wanna start living. maybe that's why i'm so anxious for summer to be over. the sooner it's over, the sooner i can get back to school, the sooner i can finish school and get on with my life. i want to meet the guy i'm supposed to be with and just know he's right for me. i absolutely hate dating. meeting a guy, all the awkwardness, having to talk about yourself. i just want to meet my soul mate and fall in love, poof. fast forward through all the dating and searching. i just can't wait to start living life. i'm so bored with everything right now. i'm finally taking classes this fall that actually relate to my major. no more government, english, gt 1000, dumb crap that i don't wanna know anything else about. well i don't really know what the whole point of this is. just anxious.

well it's 2am so i should probably go to bed. although all i'm doing tomorrow is working at kohl's 6pm to 10:30pm. can we just fast forward to a couple weeks from now?

night yall,

kim

butterflies in my stomach

weak in my knees

my heart beats faster

it's hard to breathe

words, caught at my throat

can't escape my lips

louder, harsher breaths

those surly can't be missed

you shift your weight

fingers run through your hair

every movement you make

makes me more aware

our arms barely graze

an electric current feels like chaos

you skin so close

makes me want to close the space between us

your heart, my heart

beat the same rhythm

faster, faster

can't you hear them?

our close proximity

creates a great intensity

we can't ignore it

feel it, explore it

----------------

uhh i'm ready for summer to be over for once. don't think i've ever felt like that, haha. ready to get back to tech, move into my new apartment, and start doing things. so it's now july 24th. going to destin august 3rd thru 7th to lea's beach condo. super pumped about that. :) kay thats about it. byee.

hi xanga

soo today i got up at 7:30am, on a SATURDAY. mhm, totally sucks.

but i went to Delta Chi and helped plant stuff and ate pizza, so that was fun.

and i went to a bbq at Zeta. and helped build some random thing there for a skit.

then i went to part of the baseball game against unc.

and pretty soon i think i'm going out.

busy day!

15 school days left!

can't wait til summer or fall.

but i miss people a lot.

and i don't like feeling like i'm growing apart from friends.

kinda sucks.

throat hurts.

here's a survey, won't post it on facebook but i'll post it on here since no one reads this, haha.

enjoy.

Kissing Survey :)

How many people have you kissed? seven

How many of those did you make out with? six

Ever kissed someone you weren't dating at the time? yeah

Ever kissed someone you'd met less than an hour before? yes

Of the people you've kissed, how many do you regret kissing? i don’t really regret any of them but there was one i didn’t want to happen

Were any of them in relationships with someone else at the time? no

How old was the oldest person you've kissed? he was three years older

How young was the youngest person you've kissed? a year younger

Ever been kissed by a legal adult when you were a minor (or vise-versa)? i think i was 17

Ever been kissed by someone you didn't want to kiss? yeah one guy

Ever been walked in on while you were making out with someone? yes

By your parents?:  no just by friends, lol

Weirdest place you've kissed someone? (geographically, not physically) uhh on a table, haha

Ever kissed someone and had someone else get really mad about it? no

Ever stopped kissing someone because they had bad breath? no

Ever kissed someone one of your good friends had previously kissed, too? no

Ever not known the name of someone you kissed? yes

Ever kissed someone on a dare/as part of a game? no

Kissed someone you didn't really like just to make someone else jealous? no

Ever had a really horrible kissing experience? yeah, lol

Ever been called a bad kisser? nope

Ever called someone else a bad kisser? i never told him but i’ve told other people, yeah

Where's the most public place you've ever made out with someone? i guess at a party with a bunch of people around, or movie theater

Where's the most private place you've ever made out with someone? dorm

Ever kissed some out of pity just so they would stop badgering you? no

Ever kissed someone just to forget about someone else? no

Ever thought of someone else while you were kissing someone? yes

Do you usually kiss on the first date? i mean I’ve always hung out before any official “dates” so i would say usually before

Ever kissed someone you later found out you were related to? noo

Have you ever given or received an obvious hickey? yes

What album/artist do you associate with making out? uh idk

Ever bit someone/been bit on purpose while kissing? no

Would you ever kiss a drunk person that you knew wouldn't kiss you sober? i never really thought about it, but i would rather not

Have you ever kissed a member of your own sex? (or the opposite sex if gay) no

How much money would it take for you to kiss someone you thought was gross? I don’t think i would do that, it’s kinda mean

Have you ever been propositioned for a kiss in exchange for a favor? uh maybe, don’t remember

Have you ever kissed more than one person within a 12-hour time block? yes

Ever kissed someone after the two of you broke up? no

Ever stopped dating someone mainly because they weren't a good kisser? no

Ever kissed someone legally off-limits? (a boss, employee, professor, etc.) no

Do you kiss and tell? sometimes, usually just tell my best friends or people i’m around a lot

January 2009.

So what's happened in my life in the past year...

I spent the most amazing beginning to my summer with the most amazing people on the planet. Escaped the problems of the world and my life for a short while and basked in the freedom of a roadtrip. It was pretty fantastic.

Then summer went on, far too quickly, as all summers must. And I entered a new world, a new life. College.

Soo now I'm sitting at home, away from my new life. I did make it through my first semester at Georgia Tech though. And oddly, I don't feel any different. I don't think I am any different. But I certainly learned a lot about myself. But it was all stuff that was already there, I just never saw or realized. But I think I'm a better person because of it. Not necessarily a happier person, but a better person. As many freshmen do, I went kinda crazy for the first couple of months. New boyfriend, parties, alcohol. Away from home, freedom, independence. So I experienced it all. I messed up, and learned. I don't want to live like that. I don't need that kind of life; it just doesn't make me feel satisfied or happy. I think I'm kind of antisocial. I really do want to make friends and all that, but to tell you the truth I kinda like being by myself more than hanging out with people. Sitting in my room, listening to music, thinking about life. I was depressed a lot last semester, mostly on weekends, when I had the time and the space to be depressed. College is just so much change at one time; it's hard to deal with. I don't like being away from my best friends, knowing they're out there starting new lives and meeting new people, starting a new chapter of their life and I'm not a major character in it. Sometimes I just want to stay here forever with my friends. Other times I just want to leave and go somewhere really far away where I can have a clean slate and start over. I want to be out of school and gone.

So what about my relationships...well nothing I've had has been too meaningful. I really want to have a serious relationship, I really do, but all I end up having are meaningless flings. Yeah, they're fun and feel nice for a little while, but then they're over and I'm left as empty as I was before. I know what I want, and it kinda sucks not being able to have it. At least I can try to get as close to having it as I can. And hopefully this won't make sense to anyone, not that anyone's reading this. But I need something meaningful pretty damn soon or I may just go crazy.

I don't even know what I'm writing this for. I haven't even said half of what I meant to. Whatever. I just want it to be summer. Can I fast forward to 3 and a half years from now, please? I really don't know how I feel about college. It has its ups and downs. I'm kinda ready for it to either be over or just get to being the "best years of my life" already, like its supposed to be.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world.